As gloomy as that may seem initially, equipping your child with this knowledge enables them to grow stronger from each occurrence. There is no reason for it. There is no explaining this away. Those actions are mean and hurtful, but children must learn how to move on from it. Here are a few truths to discuss with your kids to breathe life back into them after being crushed by a bully.
How you conduct yourself while interacting with your peers and within your social circles will dictate what others think of you. Let your life speak for itself and let the bully look like a liar. That will make you the winner. This is a touchy subject, as parents differ in how they want their children to handle a situation in which a child is getting physically attacked by a bully.
However, the truth that you never deserve to be physically hurt does not change. No student should ever go to school scared of what they will have to face that day or be in fear for their safety.
You deserve to be protected and go through life in a safe environment. The unfortunate reality is, though, that there may be times when a bully chooses to use his fists instead of his words. It is important that you discuss with your child how you want them to respond in those situations.
We are not at all confused by his behavior, because we have lived with a version of him, slept next to him, or fruitlessly sought his approval. Our own emotional selves become very, very small, as we navigate the turbulence of our daily lives, afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing something the wrong way.
Others, like Melissa Jeltsen, have documented this phenomenon, which has gone woefully underreported. But to elevate textbook abusive behavior to the highest office in the land is something that fills me with dread because it will have direct, irreparable consequences on many relationships. How many sexual assaults will now go unreported? How many forgotten people in abusive relationships will look at the evening news, at the face of Donald Trump, and collapse into themselves, their deepest fears confirmed that, yes, they are truly, truly powerless?
Fortunately, there is no truth to that. A true bully, a true abuser, or a narcissist, or whatever term you would like to use, is not, in fact, all-powerful. They are not even evil. They are damaged, deeply flawed human beings, constantly seeking approval and always teetering just on the edge of self-destruction. They always implode, sooner or later.
Trump, too, has imploded before. They jumped to mind again only recently, when I was developing an idea for a new novel. I imagined a school expedition from Britain going to a remote place in Africa.
Then a few students disappear. I wanted to know how the expedition was organised. For some reason, they began to shut her out of group activities. There was a lot of giggling with backs turned. Relentless — and dangerous nastiness — because it meant no one was paying attention to things like group safety and survival in an unknown, remote place, in difficult and dangerous terrain. The adults in charge paid no attention to any of the bullying. I was 14 when the snake incident happened to me.
Bullying is never just about the bully and the victim. It is always about the culture around it as well. Where bullying is rife, there is, at worst, encouragement of it, at best refusal to deal with it or denial that it exists. Either way, there is a nurturing of the attitudes and the power battles that can go on between people and lead to bullying. So, as in RIFT, teasing can quickly become something more, small acts of malice can become larger.
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